BOOBS - AGAIN!!!??
It has been a long time since my last blog post. Soo much has happened since the blog about BOOBS on November 4, 2013. I ended up having my lumps removed soon after the blog and was in a great deal of pain because they had to open up my nipples, yes both, to remove huge fibroids. Life went on and exactly one year later to the day I had to have yet another bilateral lumpectomy in November 2014 to remove another set of larger fibroids. I was sent home with a requsition to have a follow up ultrasound in six months to monitor the growths.
Well its been six months and wouldn't ch'ya know it....the lil fuckers are back with a vengeance and are the same incredible size as the ones I just had removed six months ago. My oncologist surgeon wants to wait and see if they grow, so I have to wait till October for another peek with yet another ultrasound to rule out malignancy. It was bad enough that this was turning out to be an annual event, the pain/mental anguish and then suffering the physical aftermath from surgery, but every six months?
Of course all this is sending my nasty friend, anxiety, into a tail spin. My new African psychiatrist has to deal with the outfall and is hopelessly medicating the shit out of me. The good doctor is pleading with me, in his extravagant African accent, "Noot to leeve in da futcha". "You must noot tink fowad - yez" -Just handle the thoughts you have in order to deal with only today's tasks. That's easy for him to say...! He then quickly gave me the phone number of a highly respected psychologist!
Anxiety is a bitch - honestly, I don't know which is more crippling! There are days I can't even breathe, when I can finally catch a deep breath, my boob pain stabs into my rib cage! Fight or flight. It feels like the giant saber tooth tiger is constantly nipping at my heels.
This is a link that explains anxiety and what it is like to live with and it nails it on the head!