One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest

When I was in high school I was big into drama class. We did our end of year play for both the school and the general public. It was booked solid, three performances for three nights and two day time performances for the entire school. Eight months of in class rehearsal and character study - made the local papers and I personally even got good reviews. The play - "One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest". - How ironic!!

Just before I graduated, I had to fill out and submit the typical yearbook quotes like "claim to fame and probable destination".  - I listed my probable destination as "a little rubber room to bounce around in". That was almost two decades ago.

It has been almost three months since my release from the psych ward at the Rockyview Hospital, and I'm still keeping the act going. Coasting like nothing's wrong with me. I did everything in my power to get out of the ward as fast as possible. Acted as "healthy as possible" so they would release me from the hell that it was - two decades of rehearsal, one performance, and even got great personal reviews.

I recently met with the "Grand Poobaw/The Wizard of OZ" in his office, (the first time since my release) and was pressured into making the decision of taking him up on his generous offer of out patient care. One hell of a commitment. My "CBT" (Cognitive Behavioral Therapy) classes will be five days a week from 8am to 4pm for an entire month. I've been stalling him for almost three months. He needs a commitment or he say's he's going to have to drop me. He's given me one month to figure it out while he is on vacation. I sense that he's figured out my acting ability/experience and the curtain is about to come down. I have developed a terrible case of stage fright.

I'm just not able to make that kind of decision/commitment and it has become a torment. I have all kinds of pros and cons and they keep hounding me, like Fred Flintstone, with the devil on one shoulder and the angel on the other. I want to get help and I know I need it but there's got to be other options. It seems everything in my life has always been all or nothing.

I guess this cuckoo will be spending a month circling/soaring over the nest trying to figure out just when to land, if at all. I keep hearing the haunting song from the movie in my head.

http://www.imdb.com/rg/VIDEO_PLAY/LINK//video/screenplay/vi3063546137/


How Ironic!!!