Big Prairie Sky

In November I attempted to crawl out from under the rock I've been living under for the last three years. I actually faced my social anxiety fears and attended a photo workshop on video production.

The evening went relatively well. I managed to enter a crowded room of other professional photographers, a daunting task in itself. I managed to speak to no one, made very little eye contact, hid in the bathroom during breaks and had a very difficult time trying to concentrate and focus, but I did learn something about myself.

I learned that I still have a passion for storytelling, be it visually or writing.

I've always wanted to be involved in the cinematic world in some fashion. My background in photojournalism has trained my eye to see the story and tell a story, but my lack of multimedia digital technical skills have been a massive hindrance.  My social anxiety and diminishing self confidence has left me feeling caged up and fears of going back to school are overwhelming. My patience levels are lacking when it comes to online self taught tutorials because of my depression/inability to concentrate.

In December I traveled to a sandy beach location and had the best vacation. What made it soo great is that I finally had the energy to enjoy outside activities. Walks on the beach, photographing sunsets, riding a bike, hiking on trails and even managed to get myself on a sailboat. I felt soo alive! It was not the kind of vacation where I was sitting like a bump on a log, trying to relax to no avail. I think my meds are finally working properly, although I still suffer from sleep deprivation and anxiety - it felt great not to suffer the December blues.

My new years resolution is to purge the old and reinvent. I've decided that I'm finally going to bite the bullet and embrace the almighty and frightening technology game and upgrade to a new digital camera with multimedia/video. Eeeek!! I don't even own an iphone!! I have no idea how to upload a video clip and the learning curve is tremendous just in the purchasing phase.

I am proudly disassembling my old dusty darkroom, have a buyer in the wings and am going to sell the works.

-Adios old friend, it was a great ride but I godda go catch the techno bus, sort of speak, and explore a new form of creativity. Its the end of an era, a daunting task, and I'm sure it will be a wild ride.

There's a whole new world out there, as big as the Prairie Sky.

I got ma' neon orange floaties on, gonna jump off another diving board...1...2...3... JUMP!